Today, I was reminded of the goodness of God, and how He always uses everything as part of His master plan. I was also reminded of how much He has changed me, and caused me to grow over the past few years. It was a needed reminder.
I have some friends who say that I am too hard on myself, and sometimes, I just need to stop. While I think that it is impossible to be "too hard on yourself" when compared to the model of Christ, I sometimes just brush that away, and never think about what is good in it.
I think that I can have a tendency to always be pushing towards the next thing in my life that needs work, without ever stopping to reflect on how good God is, and how faithful He is to produce fruit from trial.
Case in point. It is almost two years now, since the Zach incident. Today, for the first time, I really sat down and thought about all of the good things that have come into my life since that point. Here is a short list.
I have met some very dear friends (Emily, Kris, Tish, Josh, etc.)
I was in a position to get a job at the museum two summers ago because he wanted to go volunteer there.
I was able to get experience as a chef/manager this past summer, because of that same job at the museum.
I have started to seriously consider culinary arts as a career, as a result of the summer.
God has revealed Himself to me in so many ways, and my relationship with him has deepened significantly as a result of the trial.
Because of the people that I met at the museum, when the time came to transfer, I considered my current school (which would have NEVER happened before)
I wouldn't have been able to get involved with my church, which I absolutely love!
I wouldn't have met my roommate Kristi
I wouldn't be able to live with Katie
Incidentally, Katie wouldn't be at this school if I hadn't come, and said something to her about the linguistics department.
This is definitely a partial list. And think how many things God does that we don't ever know about???? Its kinda exciting!
Does this mean that I can sit back, and revel in how much I've grown over the past two years? No. But it does mean that I can marvel at the greatness of God, and be humbled by His glory.
And maybe that is something I should spend some more time doing...
Monday, August 18, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Hmm...
Well, it has been quite some time since anyone has posted to this blog. I will plead guilty on two counts -- having a computer that required a new operating system, and adjusting to the new town again. However, I have been keeping notes, so I'm planning on going back and writing up the posts based on those notes so I will at least have a complete record in one place.
Ariel and Kristi? Are you still out there? Is everything ok? Its kinda lonely out here!
Ariel and Kristi? Are you still out there? Is everything ok? Its kinda lonely out here!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Houston, We Have a Problem
So... Yesterday, when I was starting to feel overwhelmed? Yeah... That kinda blew up in my face tonight. It wasn't pretty.
This morning, Katie and I ran some errands on campus, and I had to deal with financial aid, which is always stressful. Then, we came home, and I did some computer work. I had another interview this afternoon, so I had to drive way out in the middle of nowhere to get there, and I got lost, which I hate doing. For some reason, this interview kinda stressed me out. I'm not sure if I'll be able to work with this client. Then I had some errands that I had to run. Wal mart, the bank, and the post office.
My roommate from last semester said that she was having my mail held at the post office, and I could pick it up there when I got back. Well, when I went to the post office, they had absolutely no clue what she was talking about. In fact, they said that they didn't offer any kind of service like that. Normally, this wouldn't have been a huge deal, because I don't get much mail anyway, but I was supposed to have a check arriving to that address. So I don't know what has become of that yet. I have a phone number to try and call today to see what happened there.
Then, I went to praise team practice. Yesterday, I got a phone call from the worship leader at church, and he wanted to know if I'd be interested in possibly joining up with the praise team. I was really excited about this! I love playing, and I've really missed it. But it is a big church. And there are lots of other musicians. And it has been awhile since I've really played like that before. So I was really nervous, and it kinda stressed me out even more.
As the grand icing on the cake of today, I spent most of the day on my cell phone trying to arrange scheduling for my dad. See, one of the people that I'd been talking with about buying camp is actually interested. He and Dad went and looked the place over a few weeks ago. Well, he has a business partner who lives in Philadelphia, and they are both so interested that the partner is driving all the way out from Philly to see my camp. And they want to buy it. And I know that this is the best decision, but it still makes me really sad. I don't really want to sell camp. But I know that it must be done. But it makes me sad.
I also got an email tonight that really surprised me. It was from someone who was seeking advice on what seems to be a fairly serious subject, although the email wasn't quite coherent enough for me to understand the situation. The source of this email has surprised me a great deal, and I'm not really sure how to handle it, or what my response to it should be.
There is also stress at work, because I'm not sure about the clients they've given me, and I have to go and do scheduling stuff tomorrow, and I don't know what to tell them. I really miss my restaurant job. I'm not sure if I should try to find another one of those, or what. I'm so confused!
I'm also starting to feel kinda pressured by all of those wonderful service opportunities at church. I keep getting emails and facebook messages about other things that they need help with. And sadly, these aren't mass messages asking for help. They are specifically to me, because I can fill some specific need.
Add into this mix that I've been here in town for less than two weeks, and already, so much has changed. Over the summer, I was working 80 hours a week, and I had a complete life there. Then, I move here, and walk into a ready and waiting life up here. I went from insanely busy while unpacking to a few days of nothing, to getting pretty busy again. I'm not used to this schedule yet... And it sometimes feels like it has all happened so quickly that I just don't have time to deal with any of it.
I'm not quite sure if this sort of thing is normal, and ok... Or if it is yet another indicator that I am trying to run things in my own life yet again. I kinda feel like I'm adrift, and I don't really know what my priorities are anymore.
I went from knowing pretty much exactly what direction my life was going to take, having been heading in that direction for the past decade, to having absolutely no clue what I want to do with my life. Should I go to Africa? Go to culinary school? Go back to the music thing? Work for a non-profit? It is all starting to loom ever-closer. I feel like I'm still leading a life where I grew up, where my parents live, where they are getting ready to move to, where my old school is, and here where i am now. I don't know how to balance all of this. I don't know where to draw lines. I don't know how to prioritize everything. Maybe this will get better once school has actually started? Then I will at least have classes to focus on, and everything else can fall into place around that... Maybe...
All I know is that I'm overwhelmed, and I don't exactly know what to do. This is the first time I've really had no clear direction. There has been so much change in the past few months, and I haven't really had any time at all to process it. Everything seems like it is all muddled up. Does any of that even make sense?
Tonight, I couldn't sleep. It is actually the reason that I am still typing posts at 5:43 am. I haven't slept yet tonight. For some reason, Psalm 69 kept floating around in my head. I don't have any personal connection to that one... But I read it, and there were some really good verses at the very end.
Psalm 69: 32a-33
You who seek God, let your heart revive.
For the LORD hears the needy
And does not despise His who are prisoners.
I was talking with one of the Joys tonight, and she told me that I need to retreat. In the military sense of the word. That I needed to step back, and stop fighting battles so I could figure out which strategic points to hit, and I could line up my resources.
She also thought that I needed to do some things that were fun and irresponsible. Not unsafe kind of irresponsible. Specifically, she wants me to go to Charlotte with her next weekend. I can't decide what I want to do. She says that I need to get away, and go to a place that isn't familiar, where people don't know me, and gain some perspective that way. While I might agree with that, I'm not sure that driving to Charlotte with her and her two kids, to meet up with some of her old friends/mentors is going to be the best option. I just don't know.... Maybe I should try sleep again, and see if my body will finally cooperate.
This morning, Katie and I ran some errands on campus, and I had to deal with financial aid, which is always stressful. Then, we came home, and I did some computer work. I had another interview this afternoon, so I had to drive way out in the middle of nowhere to get there, and I got lost, which I hate doing. For some reason, this interview kinda stressed me out. I'm not sure if I'll be able to work with this client. Then I had some errands that I had to run. Wal mart, the bank, and the post office.
My roommate from last semester said that she was having my mail held at the post office, and I could pick it up there when I got back. Well, when I went to the post office, they had absolutely no clue what she was talking about. In fact, they said that they didn't offer any kind of service like that. Normally, this wouldn't have been a huge deal, because I don't get much mail anyway, but I was supposed to have a check arriving to that address. So I don't know what has become of that yet. I have a phone number to try and call today to see what happened there.
Then, I went to praise team practice. Yesterday, I got a phone call from the worship leader at church, and he wanted to know if I'd be interested in possibly joining up with the praise team. I was really excited about this! I love playing, and I've really missed it. But it is a big church. And there are lots of other musicians. And it has been awhile since I've really played like that before. So I was really nervous, and it kinda stressed me out even more.
As the grand icing on the cake of today, I spent most of the day on my cell phone trying to arrange scheduling for my dad. See, one of the people that I'd been talking with about buying camp is actually interested. He and Dad went and looked the place over a few weeks ago. Well, he has a business partner who lives in Philadelphia, and they are both so interested that the partner is driving all the way out from Philly to see my camp. And they want to buy it. And I know that this is the best decision, but it still makes me really sad. I don't really want to sell camp. But I know that it must be done. But it makes me sad.
I also got an email tonight that really surprised me. It was from someone who was seeking advice on what seems to be a fairly serious subject, although the email wasn't quite coherent enough for me to understand the situation. The source of this email has surprised me a great deal, and I'm not really sure how to handle it, or what my response to it should be.
There is also stress at work, because I'm not sure about the clients they've given me, and I have to go and do scheduling stuff tomorrow, and I don't know what to tell them. I really miss my restaurant job. I'm not sure if I should try to find another one of those, or what. I'm so confused!
I'm also starting to feel kinda pressured by all of those wonderful service opportunities at church. I keep getting emails and facebook messages about other things that they need help with. And sadly, these aren't mass messages asking for help. They are specifically to me, because I can fill some specific need.
Add into this mix that I've been here in town for less than two weeks, and already, so much has changed. Over the summer, I was working 80 hours a week, and I had a complete life there. Then, I move here, and walk into a ready and waiting life up here. I went from insanely busy while unpacking to a few days of nothing, to getting pretty busy again. I'm not used to this schedule yet... And it sometimes feels like it has all happened so quickly that I just don't have time to deal with any of it.
I'm not quite sure if this sort of thing is normal, and ok... Or if it is yet another indicator that I am trying to run things in my own life yet again. I kinda feel like I'm adrift, and I don't really know what my priorities are anymore.
I went from knowing pretty much exactly what direction my life was going to take, having been heading in that direction for the past decade, to having absolutely no clue what I want to do with my life. Should I go to Africa? Go to culinary school? Go back to the music thing? Work for a non-profit? It is all starting to loom ever-closer. I feel like I'm still leading a life where I grew up, where my parents live, where they are getting ready to move to, where my old school is, and here where i am now. I don't know how to balance all of this. I don't know where to draw lines. I don't know how to prioritize everything. Maybe this will get better once school has actually started? Then I will at least have classes to focus on, and everything else can fall into place around that... Maybe...
All I know is that I'm overwhelmed, and I don't exactly know what to do. This is the first time I've really had no clear direction. There has been so much change in the past few months, and I haven't really had any time at all to process it. Everything seems like it is all muddled up. Does any of that even make sense?
Tonight, I couldn't sleep. It is actually the reason that I am still typing posts at 5:43 am. I haven't slept yet tonight. For some reason, Psalm 69 kept floating around in my head. I don't have any personal connection to that one... But I read it, and there were some really good verses at the very end.
Psalm 69: 32a-33
You who seek God, let your heart revive.
For the LORD hears the needy
And does not despise His who are prisoners.
I was talking with one of the Joys tonight, and she told me that I need to retreat. In the military sense of the word. That I needed to step back, and stop fighting battles so I could figure out which strategic points to hit, and I could line up my resources.
She also thought that I needed to do some things that were fun and irresponsible. Not unsafe kind of irresponsible. Specifically, she wants me to go to Charlotte with her next weekend. I can't decide what I want to do. She says that I need to get away, and go to a place that isn't familiar, where people don't know me, and gain some perspective that way. While I might agree with that, I'm not sure that driving to Charlotte with her and her two kids, to meet up with some of her old friends/mentors is going to be the best option. I just don't know.... Maybe I should try sleep again, and see if my body will finally cooperate.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Busy, Busy, Busy...
Today has been the busiest day yet since I've been in Lafayette. I had two interviews with families today, then I ended up working a shift this evening.
I think that part of this is the newness of everything, trying to get used to new clients in a new job in a new area. My job requires me to drive all over the county, and sometimes even beyond the county limits. When I'm not familiar with the area at all, this is quite a stretch. Much less trying to figure out how to get from one place to another, so I can make sure I am scheduling interviews properly.
Today is the first day that I have really felt challenged to find time to do my devotions. Again, I'm not sure if that is just starting to feel slightly overwhelmed with everything, or if I am slipping back into old habits of laziness.... It will definitely be something to keep my eyes on though as the semester progresses.
I need to keep refocusing my mind on God. I really am starting to feel overwhelmed, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I haven't really been doing that much, so I don't know why I'm overwhelmed... But there we have it.
I think that part of this is the newness of everything, trying to get used to new clients in a new job in a new area. My job requires me to drive all over the county, and sometimes even beyond the county limits. When I'm not familiar with the area at all, this is quite a stretch. Much less trying to figure out how to get from one place to another, so I can make sure I am scheduling interviews properly.
Today is the first day that I have really felt challenged to find time to do my devotions. Again, I'm not sure if that is just starting to feel slightly overwhelmed with everything, or if I am slipping back into old habits of laziness.... It will definitely be something to keep my eyes on though as the semester progresses.
I need to keep refocusing my mind on God. I really am starting to feel overwhelmed, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I haven't really been doing that much, so I don't know why I'm overwhelmed... But there we have it.
Monday, August 11, 2008
An Unexpected Blessing!
Katie had her first official day of school orientation today. She had to go fill out lots of paperwork so that she can get paid for her assistantship. All of the grad students were there, and this included the International students. When Katie got home, she said that she had met a girl named Julia who was from the Ukraine, and she had gotten her cell phone number. We randomly decided, at 4:00 to call Julia and invite her over for dinner that night.
Julia was surprised, but excited, to come over. So, Katie and Kristi and I started dinner preparations. Over the course of the evening, it was very nice to just sit and talk with Julia. She is here to get her PhD in Chemistry, so we didn't spend much time talking about our respective studies, since they don't coincide in the slightest.
While we were talking about how Julia had learned her English, she started talking about this boy from Idaho who had spent time in Ukraine teaching English. He also happened to be a Christian, and she had learned a lot about God and Jesus from him. We still aren't sure if Julia is a Christian or not, but it was very cool that she was so open to talking about it all.
Pray with me that God will be able to use us, and develop this friendship with Julia. It is nice to have a friend to do things with. Julia arrived in America on August 1st, so she is still trying to adjust. She seems to miss home a lot, and especially with all of the unrest in the Caucasus region, it is completely understandable. But, it is still an exciting blessing that Julia has been brought into our lives.
Julia was surprised, but excited, to come over. So, Katie and Kristi and I started dinner preparations. Over the course of the evening, it was very nice to just sit and talk with Julia. She is here to get her PhD in Chemistry, so we didn't spend much time talking about our respective studies, since they don't coincide in the slightest.
While we were talking about how Julia had learned her English, she started talking about this boy from Idaho who had spent time in Ukraine teaching English. He also happened to be a Christian, and she had learned a lot about God and Jesus from him. We still aren't sure if Julia is a Christian or not, but it was very cool that she was so open to talking about it all.
Pray with me that God will be able to use us, and develop this friendship with Julia. It is nice to have a friend to do things with. Julia arrived in America on August 1st, so she is still trying to adjust. She seems to miss home a lot, and especially with all of the unrest in the Caucasus region, it is completely understandable. But, it is still an exciting blessing that Julia has been brought into our lives.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
In with a twist
So... Sometimes I really don't like God's sense of humor. The roomies and I went to my church today. I was still not in a great mood, and I didn't *really* want to be at church that morning.
Wouldn't you know that the sermon was just precisely and exactly what I needed to hear? It was all about disciplining your mind, and filtering things out of it, and training it to what was good and right. You know that verse in Phillipians?
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Yeah... That one... Isn't it a lot nicer to dwell on those things than it is to wallow in the abject self pity I'd been indulging in for the past few days?
As if that wasn't bad enough, after the church service, we went to sunday school. That was where the twisting part came in.
One of the college guys gave his testimony today, and he did a really good job. There were lots of things that he said that were good, but the one that stuck with me is kinda one that I've been mulling over through the new perspective on the book of Job, but it really hit me this morning.
God's goal is to be glorified. He is perfect, and so can exist for His own glory without being selfish. It's not about me. It never has been, never will be. It is all about Him. My sole purpose is to glorify God. It doesn't matter what my mood is. This is why I'm supposed to train my mind, and dwell on the good, lovely, pure, true and excellent things. Because it isn't about me, or about what I'm feeling. It is about the glory of God.
To quote Tim, "John Piper ruined my life..."
Wouldn't you know that the sermon was just precisely and exactly what I needed to hear? It was all about disciplining your mind, and filtering things out of it, and training it to what was good and right. You know that verse in Phillipians?
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Yeah... That one... Isn't it a lot nicer to dwell on those things than it is to wallow in the abject self pity I'd been indulging in for the past few days?
As if that wasn't bad enough, after the church service, we went to sunday school. That was where the twisting part came in.
One of the college guys gave his testimony today, and he did a really good job. There were lots of things that he said that were good, but the one that stuck with me is kinda one that I've been mulling over through the new perspective on the book of Job, but it really hit me this morning.
God's goal is to be glorified. He is perfect, and so can exist for His own glory without being selfish. It's not about me. It never has been, never will be. It is all about Him. My sole purpose is to glorify God. It doesn't matter what my mood is. This is why I'm supposed to train my mind, and dwell on the good, lovely, pure, true and excellent things. Because it isn't about me, or about what I'm feeling. It is about the glory of God.
To quote Tim, "John Piper ruined my life..."
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Blah, part The Second
Today was a little better than yesterday, but not a whole lot. I had a wedding to go cook at, and I really wasn't happy. The bride had sent out this incredibly detailed breakdown of the day (like, 5 minute increments) and this just ticked me off like none other. I didn't want to go. I was annoyed that my friend was getting married, and I wouldn't even get to see any of the wedding, because I'd be in the kitchen the whole time. I was annoyed that pretty much everyone else in the kitchen got to leave to go see the ceremony, but I had to stay. There was more of the wallowing thing going on today.
Thats the bad news. The good news is that I was feeling pretty convicted after my behavior yesterday, so I was able to be a little more deliberate about turning to God. In the end, I was able to see the wedding as an act of service that meant a lot to my friend, and be at least nominally contented with that.
By the end of the day, I was actually in a pretty good mood. I was even able to deal with burning hot chicken juice getting poured all down the front of my shirt, and getting a lovely burn all over my stomach without killing anyone! When we are faithful, God gives us what we need.
I just need to work on that faithfulness part some more.
Thats the bad news. The good news is that I was feeling pretty convicted after my behavior yesterday, so I was able to be a little more deliberate about turning to God. In the end, I was able to see the wedding as an act of service that meant a lot to my friend, and be at least nominally contented with that.
By the end of the day, I was actually in a pretty good mood. I was even able to deal with burning hot chicken juice getting poured all down the front of my shirt, and getting a lovely burn all over my stomach without killing anyone! When we are faithful, God gives us what we need.
I just need to work on that faithfulness part some more.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Blah
Ok... Today has been a not so good day. I'm not quite sure, but I'm feeling rather at odds with everything and everyone. I didn't want to go into work today. I didn't want to be around people. I didn't want to spend time with my roommates. I didn't want to do my Bible study. I didn't want to pray. I don't really have any good reasons for this. I don't know what triggered it. But it has not been a good day.
I suppose that today would have been one of those good days to exercise self discipline, and pull out those other spiritual disciplines and pull through and make it a good day. But I didn't.
Mark that up as Big Failure #175,297,456,808,214,782 for Sarah.
Instead of doing any of those things, I took a couple of things I wasn't happy about, and wallowed in them.
Yep. Just like that. I let myself get so covered up in them that I couldn't even see myself or anything around me, except for those few muddy things.
Darn. I guess this means that I still have a long way to go. I'm glad that God is merciful and gives 175,297,456,808,214,782nd chances.
I suppose that today would have been one of those good days to exercise self discipline, and pull out those other spiritual disciplines and pull through and make it a good day. But I didn't.
Mark that up as Big Failure #175,297,456,808,214,782 for Sarah.
Instead of doing any of those things, I took a couple of things I wasn't happy about, and wallowed in them.
Yep. Just like that. I let myself get so covered up in them that I couldn't even see myself or anything around me, except for those few muddy things.Darn. I guess this means that I still have a long way to go. I'm glad that God is merciful and gives 175,297,456,808,214,782nd chances.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Back to Proverbs
I've kinda strayed from writing about Proverbs 31 of late. That doesn't mean that it has been absent from my thoughts -- there have just been other things that seemed to be more pressing to write about.
However, as I am gearing up and getting ready to start my new job, it seemed like an appropriate time to revisit some of the characteristics of this lady. Tomorrow, I will be job shadowing. It is the first time I will be going into other people's homes to begin taking care of various clients. Also, today, I receive information about a set of clients to begin interviewing.
What an incredible opportunity to show God's love in some very dark places! I cannot personally fathom the darkness and hopelessness that must come with having a severely disabled child. As I become a part of these family's lives, what kind of character will I present to them? What characteristics can I take from Proverbs 31 as I go about my job?
Lets take another look at one of the breakdowns I posted before.
A Brief Summary Of Proverbs 31:10-30
In some cases, I'll be called on to be energetic. I think that discernment will be an important constant, as I am trying to figure out how to best serve my clients and their families. Foresighted, as I plan their days and how to ensure that they get all of the components and therapies that they need. Of course, being industrious while I am working is going to be important. Also, being Godly is pretty much a given.
In short, I'm excited to have this chance to help some people, and spread God's love, even if I can't actually say anything about it.
However, as I am gearing up and getting ready to start my new job, it seemed like an appropriate time to revisit some of the characteristics of this lady. Tomorrow, I will be job shadowing. It is the first time I will be going into other people's homes to begin taking care of various clients. Also, today, I receive information about a set of clients to begin interviewing.
What an incredible opportunity to show God's love in some very dark places! I cannot personally fathom the darkness and hopelessness that must come with having a severely disabled child. As I become a part of these family's lives, what kind of character will I present to them? What characteristics can I take from Proverbs 31 as I go about my job?
Lets take another look at one of the breakdowns I posted before.
A Brief Summary Of Proverbs 31:10-30
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In some cases, I'll be called on to be energetic. I think that discernment will be an important constant, as I am trying to figure out how to best serve my clients and their families. Foresighted, as I plan their days and how to ensure that they get all of the components and therapies that they need. Of course, being industrious while I am working is going to be important. Also, being Godly is pretty much a given.
In short, I'm excited to have this chance to help some people, and spread God's love, even if I can't actually say anything about it.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Welcome Kristi!
Kristi arrives in the good old State of Indiana today! It will be so nice to actually meet her!
God has really blessed me in the friendships that I have been given over the past few years. I am honored to add Kristi to that list, and I wanted to take a few minutes to be thankful for some of the amazing women that God has placed in my life through the past few years. In alphabetical order, they are:
Ariel - no matter what time of day or night, or how many times you've heard it before, or if it makes sense or not, you always listen to me. Thank you for that. Thanks for always pointing me back to God when my focus starts to stray, and thanks for keeping me from getting too serious.
Emily - You have shown me a wonderful example of discipline. Both in creating time for God in the midst of an incredibly busy schedule, and in prioritizing things in your life. For people like you and I, that is an immeasurable challenge, and I truly appreciate the example that you have given me.
Katie - You are one of my oldest friends, and I'm excited that you are my roommate now! Your wisdom never ceases to amaze me. I think one of the things I appreciate most about you is your kindness. You seem to always see the good in people, and that is always a welcome contrast to my sarcasm and cynicism. Thank you for reminding me to love people.
Kristen B. - Watching you over the past year especially, as we have gotten to know each other better, and as you have dealt with significant struggles has been such an encouragement to me. The way that you have turned to God as a source of comfort and correction was humbling.
Kristen S. - the grace and strength you have shown over the past year seems boundless, and never ceases to amaze me. Your heart for service, both for your family, your teammates, and your community is more evident each and every day. But I think the think I appreciate most about you is the way that you talk with God. When I hear you pray, I know that you know that you are talking to God. That your prayers matter. More than that though, I appreciate your faithfulness in seeking God, and in praying for those around you.
Kristi - I haven't known you as long as the other people on this list, but that doesn't mean that I value your friendship any less. God has given you the gift of counsel, and watching you as you seek knowledge to help guide people closer to God has been very cool. I'm excited to meet you today, and watch you continue on the next step of that journey at church!
Lauren - Lauren Joy! Your name is so incredibly appropriate. You bring such joy and light into my life, and such wisdom, and understanding. I don't know what I would have done over the past two years without your friendship, and I thank you for all of the late night conversations and cups of tea, and early morning breakfast meetings, despite all of your Erable homework.
The Joys - This is a group of three women named Joy. They are all adopted mothers to me in various ways, and I am thankful that God has placed older women in my life to act as mentors.
Each of you has been so incredibly special in my life, and I am blessed, honored, and incredibly humbled to count you among my friends.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls for he has no one to help him up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I thank my God every time I think of you. I love you girls!
God has really blessed me in the friendships that I have been given over the past few years. I am honored to add Kristi to that list, and I wanted to take a few minutes to be thankful for some of the amazing women that God has placed in my life through the past few years. In alphabetical order, they are:
Ariel - no matter what time of day or night, or how many times you've heard it before, or if it makes sense or not, you always listen to me. Thank you for that. Thanks for always pointing me back to God when my focus starts to stray, and thanks for keeping me from getting too serious.
Emily - You have shown me a wonderful example of discipline. Both in creating time for God in the midst of an incredibly busy schedule, and in prioritizing things in your life. For people like you and I, that is an immeasurable challenge, and I truly appreciate the example that you have given me.
Katie - You are one of my oldest friends, and I'm excited that you are my roommate now! Your wisdom never ceases to amaze me. I think one of the things I appreciate most about you is your kindness. You seem to always see the good in people, and that is always a welcome contrast to my sarcasm and cynicism. Thank you for reminding me to love people.
Kristen B. - Watching you over the past year especially, as we have gotten to know each other better, and as you have dealt with significant struggles has been such an encouragement to me. The way that you have turned to God as a source of comfort and correction was humbling.
Kristen S. - the grace and strength you have shown over the past year seems boundless, and never ceases to amaze me. Your heart for service, both for your family, your teammates, and your community is more evident each and every day. But I think the think I appreciate most about you is the way that you talk with God. When I hear you pray, I know that you know that you are talking to God. That your prayers matter. More than that though, I appreciate your faithfulness in seeking God, and in praying for those around you.
Kristi - I haven't known you as long as the other people on this list, but that doesn't mean that I value your friendship any less. God has given you the gift of counsel, and watching you as you seek knowledge to help guide people closer to God has been very cool. I'm excited to meet you today, and watch you continue on the next step of that journey at church!
Lauren - Lauren Joy! Your name is so incredibly appropriate. You bring such joy and light into my life, and such wisdom, and understanding. I don't know what I would have done over the past two years without your friendship, and I thank you for all of the late night conversations and cups of tea, and early morning breakfast meetings, despite all of your Erable homework.
The Joys - This is a group of three women named Joy. They are all adopted mothers to me in various ways, and I am thankful that God has placed older women in my life to act as mentors.
Each of you has been so incredibly special in my life, and I am blessed, honored, and incredibly humbled to count you among my friends.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls for he has no one to help him up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I thank my God every time I think of you. I love you girls!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The Remarkable Record of Job
I've been reading a book by this title. I picked it up at the museum over the summer. I'm not finished with it yet, but it raises an interesting concept that is on my mind today. The author (Dr. Henry Morris) approaches the book from a very scientific point of view. I will admit that I sometimes get lost in the more technical aspects of the science parts, but what he says is making me rethink my entire view of Job.
If you go ask pretty much anyone who is familiar with the story of Job to tell you the highlights, here is pretty much what you would get.
There was this guy named Job, and he was really rich, and really good. So good, that God trusted in Job's goodness enough to point him out to Satan. So then a bunch of bad stuff happens, because Satan is trying to prove that God isn't all that cool, and Job doesn't really love God as much as God thinks. But Job is still a really good guy, so he sticks with God even though Job doesn't understand what is happening. So then Satan gets God to let him make Job really sick. His wife leaves him, and these so called friends of his come to try and comfort him. Only they do a really lousy job of it. And they just make him more depressed. Then some young punk who thinks he is all that comes along, and just makes matters even worse. But, in the end, Job still loves and trusts God, and that is pretty cool. So God gives Job everything that he lost, plus some in the end. And the lesson that we learn is that we should trust God, and God's plan will always work out and be good in the end.
Except, that isn't what the book is about. I've always found this book to be extremely comforting, because, despite all of the crap that Job goes through, it shows that God cares about human suffering, and has a plan for it... Right?
Well, according to Dr. Morris, that isn't so much the point of the book. And despite a three chapter long monologue from God directly to Job at the depths of his despair, God never once mentions human suffering. In fact, God talks a whole lot about creation, and what He made, and how amazing that is, and how He has all of this power.
When I stopped to think about it, then went back and read the entire book of Job, I have to agree with Dr. Morris. The book of Job, and its purpose, isn't really so much about me. Or you. Or any other human. The book of Job is all about the glory of an Almighty God. When I think about it as a treatise on human suffering, that all of a sudden puts me at the center of God's universe. And I have no business being there.
How much easier would it be to let God be God if I would get out of His rightful place at the center? Wouldn't that make this whole storm so much easier to weather? It was interesting to me to see just how deeply my "self-ism" is rooted. I was so focused on what the book of Job meant to me, that I'd never taken the time to notice what it might be teaching me about the character of God, aside from how it related to me and what I wanted to hear.
I'm interested to see what the rest of the book has to say.
If you go ask pretty much anyone who is familiar with the story of Job to tell you the highlights, here is pretty much what you would get.
There was this guy named Job, and he was really rich, and really good. So good, that God trusted in Job's goodness enough to point him out to Satan. So then a bunch of bad stuff happens, because Satan is trying to prove that God isn't all that cool, and Job doesn't really love God as much as God thinks. But Job is still a really good guy, so he sticks with God even though Job doesn't understand what is happening. So then Satan gets God to let him make Job really sick. His wife leaves him, and these so called friends of his come to try and comfort him. Only they do a really lousy job of it. And they just make him more depressed. Then some young punk who thinks he is all that comes along, and just makes matters even worse. But, in the end, Job still loves and trusts God, and that is pretty cool. So God gives Job everything that he lost, plus some in the end. And the lesson that we learn is that we should trust God, and God's plan will always work out and be good in the end.
Except, that isn't what the book is about. I've always found this book to be extremely comforting, because, despite all of the crap that Job goes through, it shows that God cares about human suffering, and has a plan for it... Right?
Well, according to Dr. Morris, that isn't so much the point of the book. And despite a three chapter long monologue from God directly to Job at the depths of his despair, God never once mentions human suffering. In fact, God talks a whole lot about creation, and what He made, and how amazing that is, and how He has all of this power.
When I stopped to think about it, then went back and read the entire book of Job, I have to agree with Dr. Morris. The book of Job, and its purpose, isn't really so much about me. Or you. Or any other human. The book of Job is all about the glory of an Almighty God. When I think about it as a treatise on human suffering, that all of a sudden puts me at the center of God's universe. And I have no business being there.
How much easier would it be to let God be God if I would get out of His rightful place at the center? Wouldn't that make this whole storm so much easier to weather? It was interesting to me to see just how deeply my "self-ism" is rooted. I was so focused on what the book of Job meant to me, that I'd never taken the time to notice what it might be teaching me about the character of God, aside from how it related to me and what I wanted to hear.
I'm interested to see what the rest of the book has to say.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Exhaustion Reigns...
Katie and I are nearing what I hope is the end of the sea of boxes. We have both been sleeping in a little bit later every day. But it is exciting to see the finished product starting to come together a bit more!
I don't have very much to write today. My brain is tired. But I had a random thought while I was unpacking and decorating today.
I have a lot of stuff. I mean that in both a literal and a figurative sense.
I didn't realize just how much stuff I had until I had to put it all in boxes and move it. Having done the dorm room thing for the past three years, I always had things in boxes. Some of it was in the music room, or the dungeon, or out at camp, or in the garage. There was always the room at school and the room at home. Now that I have officially and for good moved out, most of the stuff came with me. Where did it all come from? How in the world did I acquire it all? Do I need it all? I really should take an inventory, and purge some of it.
In the figurative sense, I have a lot of stuff, and I didn't realize just how much it was until I started to take a look at my life through this whole process. As I have been setting up rooms, there is a little story that keeps coming to my mind... It seems strangely fitting.
It is a little story called "My Heart - Christ's Home" by Robert Boyd Munger, published by InterVarsity Press.
The story is DEFINITELY worth reading, so please check out the link.
I don't have very much to write today. My brain is tired. But I had a random thought while I was unpacking and decorating today.
I have a lot of stuff. I mean that in both a literal and a figurative sense.
I didn't realize just how much stuff I had until I had to put it all in boxes and move it. Having done the dorm room thing for the past three years, I always had things in boxes. Some of it was in the music room, or the dungeon, or out at camp, or in the garage. There was always the room at school and the room at home. Now that I have officially and for good moved out, most of the stuff came with me. Where did it all come from? How in the world did I acquire it all? Do I need it all? I really should take an inventory, and purge some of it.
In the figurative sense, I have a lot of stuff, and I didn't realize just how much it was until I started to take a look at my life through this whole process. As I have been setting up rooms, there is a little story that keeps coming to my mind... It seems strangely fitting.
It is a little story called "My Heart - Christ's Home" by Robert Boyd Munger, published by InterVarsity Press.
The story is DEFINITELY worth reading, so please check out the link.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I'm a member!
Tonight, I joined my church here in town. I'm really happy about it! I love so many things about my church, but I think that one of the things I love the most is the sense of community. It is a large church, but there are lots of small groups, and a lot of the people know each other. Of course, not everyone knows everyone else, but in general, it is pretty easy to keep from feeling lost.
I also really love the emphasis on service at the church. They have so many opportunities to get involved, and to minister to others. Everything from the normal nursery/sunday school types of things to helping out at the community skate park that the church has built. There is a big emphasis on reaching the community around the church, and making sure that it doesn't exist as its own commune type thing.
Despite this emphasis, there can be some tendency towards clique-ishness amongst the college group. It has been really hard to make friends, and I have been convicted of several things as I've thought about this over the summer.
1. Am I as open as I should be with my welcome? Do I welcome people into groups where I am comfortable? Or am I content to stay within the realm of the familiar?
2. Do I use my natural shyness as an excuse to keep from talking to people, both in this particular church setting, and whenever I am around people in general? Am I telling God that He can't use me in this way, because I'm too shy?
3. When I look at the community that I have built around myself, is there an emphasis on serving the people around me? Or have I become a contained commune?
As I become more involved in the church in the future, and continue to grow during these 40 days, it will be interesting to see what changes in these areas.
I also really love the emphasis on service at the church. They have so many opportunities to get involved, and to minister to others. Everything from the normal nursery/sunday school types of things to helping out at the community skate park that the church has built. There is a big emphasis on reaching the community around the church, and making sure that it doesn't exist as its own commune type thing.
Despite this emphasis, there can be some tendency towards clique-ishness amongst the college group. It has been really hard to make friends, and I have been convicted of several things as I've thought about this over the summer.
1. Am I as open as I should be with my welcome? Do I welcome people into groups where I am comfortable? Or am I content to stay within the realm of the familiar?
2. Do I use my natural shyness as an excuse to keep from talking to people, both in this particular church setting, and whenever I am around people in general? Am I telling God that He can't use me in this way, because I'm too shy?
3. When I look at the community that I have built around myself, is there an emphasis on serving the people around me? Or have I become a contained commune?
As I become more involved in the church in the future, and continue to grow during these 40 days, it will be interesting to see what changes in these areas.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
The Deadly Sin
You would think that I would keep out of trouble. It is August 2nd. I'm on day two of my 40 days. I've been moving. All I am doing is carrying boxes, and making decisions about where to put things. It shouldn't be difficult to honor God in this process, right???
Well, I thought I was doing pretty well until I really sat down and thought about it tonight. I've realized, that in the midst of all of the insanity of moving, I've stayed in my old ruts, and fallen in, once again, with my own deadly sin.
This is the one that catches me up every single time. I find that everything in the whole world comes back to this one little word.....
Pride
My dad and one of my friends came up here to help me move, and I felt really badly the whole time they were here. I didn't want to let them carry things, I didn't want to let them do any more than was absolutely necessary. It is very easy for me to say that I'm just thinking about them, and trying to make sure that they aren't put out too much.
The truth of the matter is that I don't want to "owe" anyone anything, and I have far too much pride in my perceived self-reliance. I can say "oh, it was the way that I was raised." Or "oh, this is just the way my personality is." Or probably my most frequently thought reason, "If I'm not self reliant, I'm going to be in trouble, because there isn't anyone else that I can lean on."
I was genuinely surprised when my dad came into the room where I was organizing boxes, and just gave me a hug. Just because he said he was going to miss me when he left. I forget how blessed I am with the friends and family that I have around me. This is because I am so focused on myself, and how I am able to help other people, and how I have to take care of myself that I don't leave any room for anyone else in my life.
Is it a good thing to convince myself that I don't need anyone else? I don't think so. The Bible commands us to fellowship. Jesus surrounded himself with the disciples, because we aren't supposed to be alone. God created Eve so that Adam wouldn't be alone. I think that there is something of a pattern emerging here.
So, as of day two, I'm not doing so well as far as my lovely little checklist. But, I have acknowledged something about myself that I've always turned a blind eye to. And isn't that the whole point of this?
Well, I thought I was doing pretty well until I really sat down and thought about it tonight. I've realized, that in the midst of all of the insanity of moving, I've stayed in my old ruts, and fallen in, once again, with my own deadly sin.
This is the one that catches me up every single time. I find that everything in the whole world comes back to this one little word.....
Pride
My dad and one of my friends came up here to help me move, and I felt really badly the whole time they were here. I didn't want to let them carry things, I didn't want to let them do any more than was absolutely necessary. It is very easy for me to say that I'm just thinking about them, and trying to make sure that they aren't put out too much.
The truth of the matter is that I don't want to "owe" anyone anything, and I have far too much pride in my perceived self-reliance. I can say "oh, it was the way that I was raised." Or "oh, this is just the way my personality is." Or probably my most frequently thought reason, "If I'm not self reliant, I'm going to be in trouble, because there isn't anyone else that I can lean on."
I was genuinely surprised when my dad came into the room where I was organizing boxes, and just gave me a hug. Just because he said he was going to miss me when he left. I forget how blessed I am with the friends and family that I have around me. This is because I am so focused on myself, and how I am able to help other people, and how I have to take care of myself that I don't leave any room for anyone else in my life.
Is it a good thing to convince myself that I don't need anyone else? I don't think so. The Bible commands us to fellowship. Jesus surrounded himself with the disciples, because we aren't supposed to be alone. God created Eve so that Adam wouldn't be alone. I think that there is something of a pattern emerging here.
So, as of day two, I'm not doing so well as far as my lovely little checklist. But, I have acknowledged something about myself that I've always turned a blind eye to. And isn't that the whole point of this?
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