The Deadly Sin

You would think that I would keep out of trouble. It is August 2nd. I'm on day two of my 40 days. I've been moving. All I am doing is carrying boxes, and making decisions about where to put things. It shouldn't be difficult to honor God in this process, right???

Well, I thought I was doing pretty well until I really sat down and thought about it tonight. I've realized, that in the midst of all of the insanity of moving, I've stayed in my old ruts, and fallen in, once again, with my own deadly sin.

This is the one that catches me up every single time. I find that everything in the whole world comes back to this one little word.....

Pride

My dad and one of my friends came up here to help me move, and I felt really badly the whole time they were here. I didn't want to let them carry things, I didn't want to let them do any more than was absolutely necessary. It is very easy for me to say that I'm just thinking about them, and trying to make sure that they aren't put out too much.

The truth of the matter is that I don't want to "owe" anyone anything, and I have far too much pride in my perceived self-reliance. I can say "oh, it was the way that I was raised." Or "oh, this is just the way my personality is." Or probably my most frequently thought reason, "If I'm not self reliant, I'm going to be in trouble, because there isn't anyone else that I can lean on."

I was genuinely surprised when my dad came into the room where I was organizing boxes, and just gave me a hug. Just because he said he was going to miss me when he left. I forget how blessed I am with the friends and family that I have around me. This is because I am so focused on myself, and how I am able to help other people, and how I have to take care of myself that I don't leave any room for anyone else in my life.

Is it a good thing to convince myself that I don't need anyone else? I don't think so. The Bible commands us to fellowship. Jesus surrounded himself with the disciples, because we aren't supposed to be alone. God created Eve so that Adam wouldn't be alone. I think that there is something of a pattern emerging here.

So, as of day two, I'm not doing so well as far as my lovely little checklist. But, I have acknowledged something about myself that I've always turned a blind eye to. And isn't that the whole point of this?